i’m back
What took so long?!
It’s been way too long. There are many reasons for that. The first glaring one is that Four and Seven were here. The second glaring one is that Four and Seven are gone. The third glaring one is that the last several fortnights have comprised possibly my greatest adult crisis of faith, and I have not yet fully come to terms with the place that Four and Seven shall forever hold in my life.
The boys were whisked out of our home and lives on August 18th, 2023. A little over two months ago now, almost exactly a year after my first post on this blog, and over 16 months after we met them. The child welfare system in America is broken in so many ways that I could never begin to fully describe here, or even pretend to hope to solve here, there, or anywhere. But when a child you didn’t know you loved so much is subject to the opinions of people who don’t love them at all and thus won’t ever truly SEE them, “the system” goes from a generally unpleasant but also vaguely remote concept of uncertainty to a tyrant of terrifying power.
You don’t need the details. You don’t want the details, not really. I have cried too many tears over them already, and here is not the place to bring them out and cry more over them. I will write more about the boys later, when my heart has found more solace and more hope and more…sense, I suppose. Those two children made my daily life vastly more difficult, just by being their own difficult little selves. I did not think that I would miss them this way. I haven’t been able to parse it out to understand all the reasons that I do, in fact, miss them this way. But I do {miss them} and I don’t {understand}.
Meanwhile, life, as they say, goes on. I really do want to make this place into something more than somewhere I come to vent when I’m down. There is so much more in life than that. So, I guess this is a bit of a fresh start. Until next time. Hopefully won’t be so long this time.